Konichiwear, everyone! I’m back from my long-term hiatus–the longest I’ve ever been, to be honest. It never occurred to me that I’d be blogging again but I guess, old habits die hard… so here I am, yet again.
My life has been heading to multiple directions as of late that even I can barely catch my breath. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in a really good place despite all the challenges and I feel like there’s still so much left for me to do, explore, and learn–from shallow aspects such as a new skincare regimen, rekindling my fitness goals, renewing my fashion sense, to ones that are of depth like quitting my job (surprise, surprise), financial security, meeting new people, and venturing into new relationships.
My key takeaway from my indefinite leave from the Blogging universe is that I needed to focus on my own journey instead of analyzing it all the time (INTJ personality and Enneagram type 5 personality) or comparing it to others. People who know me really well are aware that I’m a creature of habit–I always go for the tried and tested route and I always know which path to take and the outcomes/repercussions that come along with it. I was never the “high risk, high reward” kind of girl even if I made myself out to be bold and adventurous, facade-wise. Unfortunately, that’s not how Life works! I learned the hard way, and let’s just say that the “control freak” in me was not pleased. In the past few months, I’ve been forcibly thrown out of my comfort zone based on pure circumstance.
Back then, if you asked me how I’d see myself at the age of 30, I would have probably said I’d still be working, most likely married, and “Gee, I don’t know, probably status quo.” Not that it’s a bad ambition, it’s just not who I am. The Me of yonder years wanted to achieve a lot of things, to be great in this, to be the best in that. I had a great sense of self and yet, for a couple of years, I allowed myself to walk around losing sight of who I wanted to be to please the world. I thought my happiness was dependent on others’, and there in lies the misconception.
It’s a learning curve. A very steep learning curve. There are days when I still need to convince myself. It’s different to know things theoretically, and different to put it in practice. On the flip side however, I’m a few months shy from turning 30 and surprisingly, I’ve missed every single mark of my prediction.
Firstly, I just quit my job. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision (think 1 week decision process) and I didn’t exactly have a new job waiting for me. It was the biggest surprise for 2018 considering I was already in a management position and earning almost 900% more than my first salary from 10 years ago. As much as I loved the new things I was learning in the field of Tech and Innovations, there were a lot of things I felt were remiss that disabled me from giving my optimal performance (ie: my health constantly suffering, being extremely undermanned). For now, there’s no clear next step, but perhaps it’s time to start something out for myself. As my cousin told me a few hours before I sent my resignation letter, “If you’re going to work your ass off, you might as well work for yourself.”
Next, I am clearly not married yet despite my rather long and public relationship in the past. There were so many things I’ve learned about myself from my previous relationship… the most glaring being that I am definitely not the marrying sort. I guess, people change and people outgrow each other in different directions but it doesn’t invalidate the years spent. It just basically died a very natural death. I have no ill feelings about what happened and vice versa; in fact, I’d go as far to say that we’ve remained friends leading separate lives and being much happier. See? Everything works out great in the end!
Finally… well, nothing in my life is status quo. Not that it’s drastically different but I guess age changes your perspective (apart from your metabolism). I’ve put more importance on meeting new personalities vs knowing what’s the latest on the runway, I’ve learned that the first step to achieving your ambition is to really do something about it (like doing the 7-step skincare regimen for a dewy glow), and that the only thing keeping me from my full potential is well, me.
There is still a lot to be done but I can’t reiterate it enough, everything happens by design. The best way to go about it is to ride the waves and make the most out of it.
Earrings: Unicorn Girls Club | Dress: Zoo