Ruffled Tube Top: Pink Manila | Striped Culottes, heels: Zara | Bag: Moynat | Necklace: Cartier | Watch: Rolex | Bangles: Hermes
Bear with me, this is the usual “woo-is-me” because I am “turning a year older” post. I initially intended to write a light-hearted “27 things I discovered” post to welcome my 27th year since I thought I wouldn’t have time to write anything comprehensive or thought-provoking (in between juggling work, the gym, family matters, and birthday preparations). But as usual, writing is my solace and this week alone proved to be quite… unpredictable, for the lack of a better term.
I guess as you get older, your world expands, and things you never thought you would encounter, would find ways to present itself to you. Don’t get me wrong, I am quite #blessed, my life is going towards the direction that I want it to, but just because I am in a good position doesn’t mean I’m not empathetic towards those around me. To add the proverbial icing on the cake, I just found out that my grandfather has stopped eating the past two days and has totally refused to drink water as of today. He is 94 and has been sick for the past 4 years–we’ve had close calls but it’s clear as day that he’s extremely tired and he wants to go.
As a family, we’ve had a year to prepare as it was only a matter of time so to speak. I’m quite conflicted. I am sad, I am bothered, but I am surprisingly okay. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there are things that encompass me and my desires, I guess realisations like that are a function of age as well. This is surprisingly new to me as well, how can anyone deal with removing a constant fixture in your life?
I grew up with my grandfather, though we don’t have the bond that he has with my sister (who is his ultimate favourite), I’ve come to appreciate his stern worldview. We had a tumultuous past (maybe brought about by teen angst, I don’t remember anymore) but we’ve managed to fix it. Again, all a part of growing up–live and let live, tough love and all that jazz. I am thankful for his presence and I’ve always valued his opinion, no matter how harsh it came out most of the time. When I started off college, I strove to excel because I wanted to prove him wrong and to let him know that I am smart, I am independent, and I was worthy of his attention. What started out as a “bitter” intention (not to mention, shallow), resulted to a lot of good things.
My grandfather is an admirable man. He’s passionate and persevering. He was a renowned radiologist at his prime–the first Filipino graduate of medicine (or was that in the department of Radiology) from Stanford. He didn’t charge patients who were unable to pay his fees. He had such high standards and he wasn’t the most affectionate, but he was admirable. His work, his words… they were just stellar. Even upon his retirement, he was still practicing… and up until 3 years ago, he was reading medical literature. He is proud too, so I’m pretty sure this whole situation for the past 4 – 6 years has been hard on him. I honestly hope he will be okay. I want him to be okay. But I want what’s best for him too and if he thinks that he’s tired and he wants to let go, then I’m okay with that too.
But as I’m turning 27, I know that there are some things beyond my control. I can only pray for him and leave it up to God. Hope you guys can include him in your prayers.