White Assymetrical Cropped Top: Apartment 8 | Pencil Skirt: Zalora | Gold Heels: Diane Von Furstenberg | Bag: YSL (same as here) | Gold Necklace & Earrings, Sapphire Beads: Gift from Parents | Bangles: Hermes, Cartier, Bvlgari | Watch: Gucci
The truth? I’ve never had issues with my body in relation to how people perceived it… because, unfortunately, the pressure came from myself.
I’ve always been a skinny child up until I was 10–rowdy, with stick-thin knees and knobby elbows. A little past that and I grew into my European heritage with my prominent hips and thighs; a bit more and I was suddenly tipping the scales during my teenage years. No one actually called me names or pointed out that I was “fat”–at least, not to my face (for fear of me sitting on them, maybe). I never really felt the need to lose weight until I was 15 and became obsessed with Hollywood personas and all the Russian Supermodels. In less than a year, I lost an unhealthy 60 lbs and had less than 9% bodyfat, I went about my day like a zombie, fueled by cabbage shreds and fancy proteins (aka boiled chicken breasts).
Thank God that was short-lived.
Years after that, my weight fluctuates on a constant basis from one spectrum to the other, and that’s life. There are ups and downs–be it metaphorically or literally. I like to eat with reckless abandon, go sue me. I would go from a size 0 to a size 4, and that was fine. It matters little to me, so as long as I’m happy with the way I look.
In fact, I’ve done myself the favor of neglecting to weigh myself. I know how addicting it once was especially when I’d lose 5 lbs in a week or two, but it was also quite unhealthy. Yes, not weighing myself nowadays could possibly be a product of irrational fear, but philosophically speaking, I just refuse to become a slave to a mere number. If I feel good then I look good–my waistline or my dress size should never be given the power to dictate whether I live my life happily or not.
Last 2013, I was a size 0 and though I felt really beautiful, my parents gave me hell for looking emaciated… which I didn’t realize until I checked my old photos out recently. It’s quite funny actually, the discrepancy between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. Nevertheless, I was happy and I felt accountable for only my own perceptions. By 2014, I felt like I was at my healthiest: size 2, over 100 lbs, but with less than 15% body fat… I could squat with free weights at 70 KG and deadlift around the same. I wasn’t supermodel skinny anymore but I was toned and I felt extremely strong.
Today, I’m in between sizes–I still fit size 2 clothing but they no longer feel right, but you know what? I don’t feel any less beautiful. Call me self-absorbed but hey, I think I would know myself the best so I’d be damned if anyone else said otherwise. Of course, I’m currently in the process of normalizing my schedule and juggling both work and going to the gym; I haven’t changed my eating habits but I am doing it to be healthier. I want to be able to lift weights heavier than myself and be strong again because, what if someone challenges me into some boxing match? I can’t come ill-prepared! Just kidding! Regardless of what size I’m in, the important thing is, I’m happy–and if I’m happy, then I will rock any cropped top and I will rock them splendidly.
Come on ladies, let’s spread the positivity. To quote Selena Gomez, “there’s more of me to love.” Also, I’m wearing Diane Von Furstenberg–who cares about my pooch?