In case you’re wondering why I look extremely different in this new set of photos, I’d like to put the blame on my botched eyeliner experiment that somehow played up my Asian roots. Note to self: Never again.
So anyway, I’m easing into work quite nicely as I’m on my third week already. On the other hand, I am dreading the start of July for the sole purpose that come August, my boyfriend will be leaving for Barcelona to pursue his Masters Degree in Business. That leaves me approximately 1 more month to spend with him before “Our Future” whisks him away for 2 years in a foreign land thousands of miles away from our humble archipelago.
I know I don’t talk about it very often, being the evasive person that I am but I actually think about it during my spare moments. Maybe this is why I’m focusing too much on work… just to forget. I’m a firm believer of the adage: “out of sight, out of mind”–and the more I bury my thoughts deep, the longer it takes for my feelings to surface. I think that is the secret to my supposed apathy.
When I woke up today, I thought about how my next 2 years would pan out. Yes, I’ve had the past 2 years with him and we’ve grown beautifully together–I don’t think I’ve ever been so in sync with anyone despite our multiple differences in taste and preferences but I’ve been so used of thinking for 2 people and for seeing him almost every single day of my life that I can’t imagine how our future set-up would be.
So I don’t imagine. It’s much easier not to.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t worry about the state of our relationship–I know for a fact that it will work and that we will pull through. My concern is a bit more selfish… I wonder often how I’ll adapt to the small changes in my routine. Sometimes, I push myself to plot our set-up–how often should we Facetime, how do we schedule non-negotiable trips back and forth through-out the year so we can see each other in the flesh, how do we send care packages… the small things, but I can’t help but stop at some point or I might just crack and feel like the world is against me when I know logically that it isn’t.
Given that today is June 30 however, I couldn’t stop my thoughts from spilling out and so I decided to put them into words. I couldn’t handle the close proximity of his farewell (maybe it’s my hormones as well) so I expressed myself the best way I knew how and that was to write it down… via instagram (see instagram post here). I was overwhelmed by the kind messages a lot of my acquaintances left; even more elated when old friends I lost touch with for a long time contacted me via Facebook telling me “it’ll get better” or that they “understand” what I was going through. Some even shared tips on how they tackled the so-called happy predicament.
It will work, they all assured me, you just have to make small sacrifices here and there.
Now, I fully understand… the gravity of it, the implications, and the importance. I no longer have to plain reason with myself just to convince my psyche–I truly believe that this little hurdle was good for him.
Yes, he is leaving, but he is leaving for us. He is leaving to fulfill our dreams for a better future. As much as I want to keep him here, I can’t–he needs to grow and he needs to be great. Likewise, as much as I would want to be the one to bring him to Spain, I have my new employment to attend to as well and we’ve decided that it was best that he leave without me, come back for Christmas, and then I’ll visit him for his Birthday next March.
As I said, we’ve already spent 2 good years to grow together and so it’s truly okay that we focus on ourselves–I mean, we did, we took on opportunities that would allow us to grow individually, and it’s okay to focus on that now. Of course, it’s not to say that we are no longer focusing on our relationship–quite the contrary. It’s more of changing perspectives and giving a spin to what seems like a disadvantage: instead of seeing the negative, we’ve shifted our mindset to see that anything we do for personal development can be attributed to the betterment of our relationship and our future. His Success is my success and my success is his, it’s that simple.
Do I worry about the inevitable future? The space in between? The long distance? No, but I will miss him immensely.
Anyway, here are some more photos from our excursion date yesterday!
I’m obsessed with two things in this photo… first, my Papaya print top from Neon Island, and then my customized locket from Beyond Lockets.
Let me start with my top… normally, I’m not one for bold, quirky, and kitschy prints. I’ve always been conservative on the print front, except for that one time I wore a unicorn sweater. However, when I saw Neon Island’s hand-painted prints (yes, they make their own prints), I fell in love with their Fruits set! I was initially all for the Pineapple and Kiwi print but I liked how soothing the Papaya print was (I mistook them for Melons initially). For those who want to up their school/work garb, check out Neon Island for the perfect mix of casual prints in classic and flattering cuts.
Next, my pretty locket–it’s been a hit to friends and colleagues who’ve seen it. Beyond Lockets offered to customize me a locket necklace. I was never fond of lockets–I think I overdid them back in college but the fact that I could customize one and add charms appealed so much to me. My only request from them was to keep it in a thin chain, which they told me was their practice. So I went cray on all the available charms in their catalog–depending on the size of your locket, you can choose up to 10! I specifically chose the symbols that meant something to me–I had a flamingo somewhere there, the infinity symbol, the cross, the diamond, the “Love” symbol, and a lot more! If you want your inexpensive fix of a timeless accessory that’s customizable and that can represent your personality, check Beyond Lockets!