Skater Skirt, Black Heels: Zara | Watch: Gucci | Bangles: Hermes | Clutch: YSL | Black Cut-Out Cropped Top, Cross Necklace: Forever 21
I’ve been questioning a lot of things in my life lately–nothing dramatic or overly-emotional of course, but nothing short of trivial as well. Let’s chalk it up to the dreaded “Quarter Life Crisis” that most people (females in particular) in their late twenties experience. Maybe it’s because 25 is a pragmatic age to be in… young enough to explore and make mistakes, but old enough to make decisions and choices. There’s just this certain pressure I guess, something you can liken to the “Tween years”–an in-between age where one is neither old enough nor young enough to do something.
On hindsight, I think no matter what age you are, the pressure to make something of yourself will always remain to be colossal. Expectations, expectations, expectations. What makes being 25 different, is that the number, when vocalized to society and made known to everyone, gives you a death-sentence… or to be less melodramatic, a so-called deadline.
People think at 25, their life will have more direction… that they’ll have concrete goals and know what to do. That’s just a mere perception of course. You don’t really wake up and experience a certain sense of Rapture the moment the clock strikes twelve. You don’t roll out of bed with a “Eureka” moment, thinking: “I finally know what I’m doing for the rest of my life!” It doesn’t happen that way. If you’ve seen Sixteen Candles, you can liken this scene to Molly Ringwald’s character, where she’s examining herself in front of the mirror, innocently thinking that her turning 16 will render some evident physical changes only she’s the same person as she was yesterday.
Realistically speaking, you won’t get an instant epiphany the moment you turn 25 (I know you’re all smart enough to know that) but for some odd reason, other people who aren’t that age think that by then, you ought to know what to make out of your life.
A couple of years ago, I thought I would be “this” and “that” come 25. I did become “this” and “that”, of course–I achieved goals and obtained most of the objectives I’ve set for myself (yes, with a bit of help here and there, plus short-cuts). I’m proud to be where I am now at 25 considering that not a lot of people can say the same for themselves. I think that at this age, I’ve done what people have expected me to do… what I’ve expected myself to do. The people who matter know the extent of my capabilities, they know my value as a person, they’ve seen my potential actualized and I think at 25, I need to channel all my energy into the “what comes next” aspect of my life.
Right now, I’ve been re-evaluating my goals and re-assessing my person and gradually, I’ve come to realize things… I want to do other things, I want to set other goals. I think it’s high time I make another journey only this time, I think it’s a journey I’m taking for my own benefit and self-exploration.
I’ve lived my life according to others for the longest time and right now, I want to live my life according to me (and the people who matter). I’m done proving anything to anyone, I just want to bask in the “Acceptance.”
Thankfully, I have people around me who support my wants and needs… people who’ve hugged me, sat beside me, and told me to go do whatever it is that I want to do and most importantly, to chase my dreams. From my father, my mother, my siblings, my boyfriend, my boyfriend’s family, my close friends… really, the support system is what’s keeping me sane despite the mental turmoil I experience every single second of the day!
Ultimately, I want to do things because I’m done with being great… I want to be greater. I don’t want to settle into some sort of complacency just because it’s what’s convenient. Other people can stand for being mediocre and some of them can continue having shallow dreams for themselves but unfortunately, I’m not one of them.
So in the next few months, do expect some modifications! Good ones, I promise.
Here’s a photo of last month’s anniversary with the Boyfriend! I totally forgot to post it! Forgive the photo quality but it tends to get really dark in Shangrila Hotel Makati (we ate at Shang Palace–I’m a sucker for Chinese food):